Dying To Be Me Read online

  It’s not that I try to be a loner. I still reach out, and I really enjoy helping people gain greater understanding, which I do through my writing and my current work as a cultural trainer. And as you’ll see in the next chapter, the act of allowing and being myself has had a huge impact for me in this great adventure.

  CHAPTER 14

  Healing Is Only the Beginning

  The book that you’re holding is proof of what happened when I put the act of allowing to work. I want to share with you the series of synchronicities that had to take place for this book to come into existence.

  Immediately after my NDE and healing, I was euphoric and wanted to shout out what I knew from the rooftops! I wanted everyone to know about what had happened to me and to feel what I was feeling. Yet at the same time, I felt trepidation about sharing it openly and taking any overt action toward publicizing my story or garnering attention. I simply didn’t feel prepared to deal with all the attention and scrutiny I sensed it would attract.

  Since yin always seems to combine with yang in the cycle of life, I found that although I was somewhat concerned about how my experience would be received, something still told me that I needed to share it with a much wider audience. There was both the desire to talk about it and the need to pull back. I knew that when the time was right—and when I felt ready within myself—the way to greater attention and exposure would unfold with the ease I’d sensed during my NDE.

  In the meantime, I simply followed the understanding I gained from my experience as I described in the previous chapter. I stayed true to myself and went about the business of living in the way that made me the happiest—following my bliss, as it were. I felt certain that those who were ready or needed to hear what I had to say would find me. I remained open at all times to all possibilities regarding how far my message would spread of its own accord. Basically, I have always been in a state of allowing when it comes to this subject, but nothing prepared me for what was to unfold….

  IN MARCH 2011, I WAS IN THE UNITED ARAB EMIRATES, visiting my close childhood friend Sunita, who’d just opened a holistic training center there. She’d invited me to come and share my story with an audience in Dubai, and I was in very good spirits, as it had gone extremely well. I’d been unsure about how I’d be received and was pleasantly surprised. In fact, the visit seemed to trigger an internal shift that opened me up to feeling ready, finally, to share my story with the greater world.

  For the first time since my NDE, I felt a transformation in the room where I was speaking—but the shift was really within me, even though it affected everyone present. I was in awe of the healing taking place before me. People were getting what they needed out of my experience, and everyone felt something happening in a very powerful way.

  I recognized once again that others needed to know what I’d experienced! I realized that I had started to lose touch and hadn’t been letting this true me flow. Once more, I’d been hiding my real self out of fear and trepidation. So it was there in Dubai that I felt in touch with my expanded, magnificent self again. I was ready to take on whatever life was going to deal me. In that room, I dropped all my inhibitions about sharing my experience with the world, even though I had no idea how I was going to be received. I was willing to take on the unknown and trust in the ambiguity.

  Up until that point, I’d thought that the NDE was special just to me, and although I’d brought back a message to share with others, the healing mainly seemed to benefit me. This was part of the reason for my trepidation in sharing my story—I wasn’t fully aware of how others were going to benefit from my experience. However, in that room that day, something shifted. As I watched the reaction of the others and the transformation that was taking place, I suddenly realized that both my getting cancer and my healing were actually for the planet. If we’re all One, what happens to me, happens to all. And what happens for me also happens for the whole universe. I understood that the reason I even got sick and then chose to come back was to serve as an instrument for healing to take place in others—not just physical healing, but more important, emotional healing, since our feelings are actually what drive our physical reality.

  Previously, I’d also thought that my healing from cancer was the culmination of my journey—it seemed to be the pinnacle of everything that had happened in my life and the end of my story. But I understood in Dubai that my recovery was just the beginning. It was the opening of a new chapter of greater unfolding, and all I had to do was step into the ambiguity.

  Again, I knew I wouldn’t have to do anything; it would just unfold as long as I allowed it to happen. And in that moment, I thought, Bring it on! Whatever you have in store for me, I’m open to it! Now I understand!

  I’D BEEN IN DUBAI A WEEK WHEN I WOKE UP ON MARCH 16 and checked my e-mail, expecting birthday wishes from my friends and family members. To my amazement, there was a message from an editorial assistant at Hay House, saying: “Wayne Dyer became a huge fan of yours after reading about your near-death experience. If you are interested in writing a book about your experience, Hay House would be very interested in working with you in developing and publishing it.”

  As I read those words, I couldn’t stop tears from streaming down my cheeks. What an absolutely incredible birthday surprise! What a confirmation of my feelings the previous day!

  I’d already been writing a book and had even given some thought as to how to get it published, but the enterprise seemed daunting and way beyond my capacity to achieve. And until just the day before, I hadn’t been fully prepared to extend my outreach to the greater world.

  Still, over the previous months, many people had asked me whether I was writing a book on my near-death experience. When I answered yes, they asked if I’d found a publisher yet, and I said no.

  Most then told me: “Even though your story is amazing, it’s really tough getting a publisher to even read a manuscript these days. There’s so much of this kind of spiritual stuff out there now, so they probably wouldn’t look at it. Be prepared to be turned down over and over again.”

  I also heard: “You need a literary agent to just get the manuscript onto the publisher’s desk. They won’t even look at something that doesn’t come through a literary agent,” and “You’d better self-publish. That’s a lot easier!”

  To each and every one of these individuals, I replied, “I actually don’t plan to go banging on publishers’ doors, or begging people to take my book. My story will spread at the rate it’s meant to, and if it’s supposed to reach the masses, the universe will conspire to make it happen.”

  At that point, I’d also mentioned to several friends that of all the options out there, I dreamed of one day being published by Hay House, because I thought they were the best for this genre, and I loved all their authors. I checked their website and found that they wouldn’t accept manuscripts that didn’t come through a literary agent. I didn’t know how to even begin looking for an agent, so I just let it go and got on with my life.

  As I explained earlier, since my NDE, I’d sensed that something big was going on. I felt guided and directed, even in those moments when my life didn’t seem to be heading in any particular direction. I still trusted what I’d felt during my experience and knew that all was well and as it should be. Receiving the e-mail from Hay House confirmed that what I’d been feeling all along was exactly right.

  Of course, I responded excitedly, saying, “Yes, yes, yes!” I even told the editorial assistant that it was my birthday, and what a lovely present this was!

  SOME DAYS LATER, WHEN I WAS BACK at home in Hong Kong, I received a message from my old friend Veronica Lee, telling me that she’d been listening to Wayne Dyer’s radio show when he spoke about me and my NDE. She said that he’d talked about me several weeks in a row, so I went to the Hay House Radio website, accessed the archives, and started listening. Lo and behold, there Wayne was, talking about my experience week after week! Of course, I was thrilled to hear him speak about me to such a wide audience.


  Not long after this, I wanted to surprise Wayne and decided to call his show while he was broadcasting live, accepting callers and answering their questions. Because of the time difference, his program is broadcast at 4:00 A.M. Hong Kong time. So I set my alarm for 3:30, got up, tuned in online, and started dialing. On the first couple of attempts, the line was busy; but to my delight, I finally got through—and it wasn’t even four o’clock yet.

  The person who answered the phone asked my name, and where I was calling from. I was then put on hold. When the show actually started, after all the introduction and so on, Wayne’s producer, Diane Ray, said, “Oh look, there’s a caller from Hong Kong. Why don’t we take that one?” My heart skipped a beat when I heard her say that. (I later learned that it’s extremely difficult to get through to Wayne’s radio show.)

  Even before I came on the line, Wayne said, “Oh my God, I think I know who that must be! Is it who I think it is?”

  “Hi, this is Anita,” I replied.

  “Oh my God, it’s Anita, who had the NDE! I am so thrilled to have you on my show!” he exclaimed. “Diane, can you hold off on all the other calls? I’m going to spend the rest of the show on this one!” He then asked me to share my story on air.

  After the show finished, Wayne asked me to stay on the line. We spoke some more, and he told me that he’d be honored to write the Foreword to my book, if I would let him.

  I thought, Let him—are you kidding? I’d be thrilled!

  Wayne then went on to tell me that he’d printed out my entire online NDE story, which is about 21 pages. He’d made about 40 copies and had been distributing them to everyone he knew. He’d shared it with his mother, and she’d drawn a lot of comfort from it. He also told me that he’d quoted me several times throughout his latest book, Wishes Fulfilled.

  All I could think was, Is this really happening? Wayne Dyer quoted me throughout his latest book?

  We then exchanged contact information, and Wayne told me that I was welcome to call him anytime.

  I was filled with joy! I spent the next few days walking on air, unable to eat or sleep, with a constant feeling of butterflies in my chest. I’d felt that I was at the edge of something really big, and I knew this was going to be a challenging test of my ability to just hang tight and do nothing but be myself, enjoy the ride, and allow.

  Over the next few weeks, I had many opportunities to speak with Wayne over the phone as we discussed the book and its direction, and he read me the beautiful Foreword he’d written, which brought me to tears once again. I’m a bit soft about these things—especially when seeing the vision from my NDE unfold before me.

  During one of our conversations, Wayne told me that when he first read of my experience, he didn’t ask Hay House to locate me. He told them that they must find me, and if I was writing a book, that they must publish it!

  As you can imagine, I was blown away by this revelation, and I asked how he came to learn of my experience. He told me that he’d heard of me through a woman named Mira Kelley who lives in New York, and he then introduced us via e-mail. Mira and I began corresponding and speaking on the phone, and she told me of all the incredible little events that had to take place at precisely the right time for Wayne to have had access to my NDE. He doesn’t surf online, nor does he enjoy spending any significant length of time on the computer reading long articles, so he wouldn’t have stumbled on my story by accident.

  I’ll let Mira tell you the chain of events in her own words:

  On January 11, 2011, I spoke with a friend who told me that Wayne Dyer was leading a group of people through Europe on a tour called “Experiencing the Miraculous.” My intuition anchored on the word miraculous. I knew that Wayne had leukemia, and hearing this word somehow caused me to understand that he was ready for a miracle.

  I initially talked myself out of contacting Wayne, but the feeling that I needed to speak with him persisted and became even more compelling. I assured myself that if I’m meant to be a tool in the hands of God, I have to allow for the unfolding of whatever miracles need to take place. Several days later, I wrote Wayne a letter.

  When he called me about a month later, I’d forgotten about the incident. We spoke briefly and were about to hang up when I interrupted Wayne’s good-bye. To my own surprise, I said that there was something I wanted to send him, something that he needed to read. Without a moment’s pause, he gave me a fax number.

  That “something” was Anita’s NDE story, which had come to my inbox just the day before via a list of people who e-mail each other on spiritual topics. The person who sent the message pointed out the section of the story that spoke of all time existing simultaneously, which caught my eye because of my regression work; and reading Anita’s account made me feel that magical sense of locking into the true vibration of my spirit.

  The moment Wayne and I hung up, that question Why? crept up again. Why did I feel so compelled to share Anita’s story with Wayne?

  The only explanation I could think of back then was that it described so perfectly what I believed in and what I could offer. Through sending him Anita’s story, I was saying: “I know you can be healed instantaneously. That possibility exists, and if you choose to know yourself as perfect health, I can assist you in creating that reality.” It would have taken a lot longer conversation for me to say what Anita so simply and eloquently put into words.

  Now I see a second reason. I understand that I’m part of the process that seeks to bring Anita’s inspiring words to the entire planet. The timing was absolutely synchronous. Had that e-mail arrived any sooner, it wouldn’t have been at the forefront of my thoughts, and I wouldn’t have shared it with Wayne. Had it come later, it wouldn’t be receiving this enormous recognition. The synchronicity of this coming together so magically reminds us that everything happens at once, at the same timeless moment, just as Anita found during her NDE.

  Wayne and I agreed to do a regression, and I flew out to Maui to meet with him. On April 15, when I went to Wayne’s home, he was on the phone. When he hung up, he told me that he was speaking with Hay House and that they would publish Anita’s book. His enthusiasm told me that he was ready for a miraculous event of his own. His session was profoundly powerful, and I share in his belief that he’s healed of leukemia.

  I went back to the message that brought Anita’s story to me and found that it came from someone I didn’t know—Ozgian Zulchefil, an engineer who lives in Constanta, Romania. When I shared the awe-inspiring synchronicities that he was part of, he responded that he was glad and joyful that I took the time to tell him, even though he doesn’t remember where he found the account of Anita’s NDE. He said that this serves as a confirmation that we constantly affect one another by what we do and say, even if we aren’t aware of it. Therefore, he concluded, it’s “important to have a really good, positive attitude for every moment of your life even if you don’t see a reason for doing it in the first place.” I couldn’t help but smile.

  Just a few days ago, I received an e-mail suggesting that I watch an inspiring interview with a woman named Anita Moorjani, who was miraculously healed of cancer following an NDE. A surge of excitement went through me as I recalled how Wayne and I had agreed that the two of us coming together allowed Anita’s powerful words of love to affect and uplift millions of people. Receiving that e-mail confirmed that the circle has been completed. Simultaneously, Anita’s words assisted in creating Wayne’s healing.

  By allowing Spirit to move through me, I became a tool in the hands of God in ways I could have never imagined.

  Mira’s story only reinforces that we’re all—every single one of us—unique, indispensable facets of the infinite universe. Each of us is an integral part of the greater unfolding tapestry that’s continually working toward healing the planet. Our only obligation is to always be true to ourselves and to allow.

  As I look back on the trajectory of my life, it’s crystal clear that every step along my path—both before and after my NDE, bot
h those events I saw as positive and those I perceived as negative—has ultimately been to my benefit and guided me to where I am today. What’s also very clear is that the universe only gives me what I’m ready for, and only when I’m ready. My trepidation about publicity slowed down the process, and when that anxiety was removed, I received the confirmation from the universe immediately through the Hay House e-mail. I allow how much of what I want to come into my life…or not!

  The book you’re reading is, from my perspective, just the latest proof of this. Had it not been for the environment I grew up in and the way I saw myself and reacted as I experienced all that transpired in my life, I might very well not have gotten cancer. Without the cancer, there wouldn’t have been an NDE, and that would have meant no special vision to share with the world. Were any of those steps eliminated, the outcome could very well have been different. While I strongly believe that it’s not necessary to reach the extreme state of an NDE in order to heal or have a great purpose in life, I can see that my personal path has led me to this point. Everything happens when we’re ready for it to happen.

  I’VE NOW WELL AND TRULY LEARNED THAT when I become centered—when I realize my place at the heart of the universe and feel my magnificence and my connection to all that is—time and distance become irrelevant. If you’ve ever been in a deep sleep and involved in an intricate dream that culminates in the ringing of a doorbell or phone, and you suddenly awaken to find your doorbell or phone actually ringing, then you’ve experienced timelessness. Even though the device only started going off a few seconds prior to your waking up, it feels as though the entire drama of your dream revolved around that final moment.